Posts Tagged ‘funny stories’

Apollo Ohno in our kitchen after the 2006 Winter Olympics. We didn't reuse those paper plates.

I’ve gone back a few years to find these classic “Back Fence” stories, crazy things that happen to Mom and Dad:

Free Puppies
Thanks to Kelly Beauchemin of Putnam, Connecticut, for this story:

Luke, 4, has been asking for a puppy. While Kelly love puppies and dogs, she’s explained to him that they just don’t have the time to spend with a puppy right now, and they’re expensive.

One day, in the car, he said, “Mommy, I have a great idea. I’ll take some of the money that I’ve been saving and buy YOU a puppy. What kind of puppy would you like?”

Smooth, Luke.

Orders
Thanks to Laura Lundy of Nelson, British Columbia, Canada, for this story:
One morning at Tim Horton’s, Canada’s version of Dunkin’ Donuts, the sales clerk asked for Laura’s order. James, 5, offered up, “My dad would like a beer!”

Food Review
Thanks to Kim Kreis of Fairfax Station, Virginia, for this story:

Kim and her family were visiting friends. Her friend had made a nice dinner of vegetarian burritios. They all sat down for dinner when her son, Greyson, 4, started picking at his food.

Then he blurted out, “Mom, this is horrible food.”

Mortified, Kim yanked him up from the table, left the room and gave him the polite behavior lecture.

Then she told him he had to go back in, eat his dinner and apologize to Miss Sandy.

He sat back down at the table and said, “Miss Sandy, I am sorry the dinner is so horrible.”

And from Jen Singer’s personal stash:

Open Windows
The following is a conversation between my friend and her neighbor:

Friend: (Sheepish) Did you hear me yelling at my kids last night?

Neighbor: (Horrified) No, why? Did you hear me?

Home, Sweet Home
Nicholas (age 4): “Why don’t you go to work and Daddy stays home?”

Me: “Because Daddy wouldn’t last a day at home.”

Daddy: “Try an hour and a half.”

100 Things
I was helping out at my son’s school one afternoon with another class mom. We were quietly cleaning things in the sink, while the teacher led the class in a discussion.

Teacher: “Okay, class. Can you tell me something in your house that there are 100 of?”
Me (under my breath): “One hundred dust bunnies.”

Other mom: “One hundred dog hairs.”

Share, share, that’s fair: What’s your funny it-happened-to-me story?

For years, MommaSaid ran a series called, “Just a Minute!” featuring stories of funny things kids do (and also, say). Here are some of the classics. Please share yours in the comments!

Naming Rights
Thanks to Angela Johnson of Mission Viejo, Calfornia, for this story:

Angela and her son Eli, 4, were visiting a snack bar at a baseball field. Eli asked the mom running the grill if he could have a hot dog. The mom studied the grill and said, “Sure Eli. There’s one right here with your
name on it.”

As Eli and Angela walked away, he slowly turned his hot dog around and around on the bun. Angela asked him what was wrong. He looked at me and whispered, “Mrs. Heppert gave me the wrong one. My name’s not on here!”

Uh Oh!
Thanks to Amanda Chase of Albuquerque, New Mexico, for this story:

When Amanda brought her premature newborn home from the hospital, her two-year-old daughter noticed how tiny he was, and started to count his fingers and toes.

Then she ran to her room to get her favorite baby doll, which she laid next to her tiny brother. She proceeded to compare the eyes, nose, mouth, etc., as if she were taking inventory of all his parts. When she got to his, uh, you know, she shouted, “Uh oh, Mommy!”

Better call the doctor, huh Amanda? He’s got an extra part! (more…)

Back in the day, I could make castles out of empty boxes.

Back in the day, I used to post funny stories on MommaSaid under the heading “Potties in Heaven,” a reference to the question my son asked me when he was in pre-school: “Are there potties in heaven?” (Answer: “Yes, and there are no lines at the ladies’ room.”) For your enjoyment, I am posting some of my old favorites:

Where is it?
During a playdate at our house, I sent the boys upstairs and the lone girl to the powder room to change out of their wet bathing suits. It didn’t take long before all three boys were running around naked upstairs, shouting something about pirates. I settled them down and persuaded them to get dressed when suddenly, the girl appeared at my side.

Me: “Where’s your bathing suit?”
Girl, 6: “I put it on the couch.”

Naturally.

A Wrinkle in Time
Nicholas: “When do you get prunes?”
Me: “To eat?”
Nicholas: “No. I mean on your face.”
Me: (Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.) “Oh! You mean wrinkles?”
Nicholas: “Yeah. When do you get them?”
Me: “When your kids start asking you questions you can’t answer.”

Copy Cats
I was driving my car when Nicholas and his playdate, Andrea, started copying what I was saying.
Me: “So, Andrea. How’s school?”
Nick and Andrea: “So, Andrea. How’s school?”
Me: “Oh, are you copying me?”
Kids: “Oh, are you copying me?”
Me: “I think I’ll clean my room tonight.”
Kids: “I think I’ll clean my room tonight.”
Me: “I sure love broccoli.”
Kids: “I sure love broccoli.”
Me: “I promise to stop using my sleeve as a tissue.”
Kids: “I promise to stop using my sleeve as a tissue.”
Me: “And to put my mom up in a luxury nursing home with handsome nurses when she gets old …”
Kids: “And to put my mom up in a luxurynursing home with handsome nurses when she gets old …”

Here, Nice Doggie
When Chris, 4, returned from a playdate, he told me his friend had two dogs.
Me: “What kind of dogs?”
Chris: “A mean dog and a nice one.”

Share, share, that’s fair: What are your kids’ Potties in Heaven stories?