Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’

Here’s one from my GoodHousekeeping.com days that, sadly, still applies:

“Did you try on the coat?” my mother asked.

The coat…um, which coat?

She had given me several coats and some sweaters that she decided she didn’t want anymore, so I wasn’t sure which coat she meant. I figured it must be the “expensive one” she mentioned when she handed me the pile of stuff in the school parking lot on Halloween, while I, dressed like an Oktoberfest waitress, was busy rushing off to run the party in my son’s fifth grade class. (more…)

1. The Super Plus setting on the washer machine.
2. Putting vacuum bags on the shopping list.
3. The shopping list.
4. Remembering if you yelled “Knock it off!” or “Cut it out!” last.
5. “River Monsters.”
6. Shoving another bowl into the dishwasher before you cram it shut.
7. Wondering if that sound is your well being emptied by a hose that filled up the bucket oh, about 15 minutes ago.
8. Wondering if that sound is your wallet being emptied after calling the well maintenance company people, who said something about “refracturing” and “redigging,” both which sound very painful.
9. Following the trail of sugary green liquid from the freezer to the bathroom to the… Oh. God. No. Couch.
10. Can I say “River Monsters” twice? No, okay, “Mythbusters” re-runs from 2005.

While we were on vacation “down the shore” in Wildwood, New Jersey, last week, I found signs everywhere that, frankly, I’d like to post in and around my house. As the hostess of the frat house for middle schoolers, I do believe that these rules should apply here as well:

Tell us: What signs would you like at your house?

For Part 1, click here.

For Part 2, click here.

So there’s the thing: Momma needs a break. And I mean a real break from all things Internet.

Really.

This week, I’m going to try with all of my power and might to stay the heck off the Internet. That means no blogging, no moderating comments, no tweeting, no Facebooking bon mots that I come up with in the shower.

Really.

But, as any blogger knows, you really can’t leave your web site just sitting there all alone and untouched for a week. That’s like leaving a hamster to fend for itself while you lie on the couch and watch every John Hughes movie every made 20 times in a row. It’s cruel, and it could mean the death of it.

So, before I signed off for the week, I looked back at my old videos, the ones I’m not legally allowed to say the name of anymore, and put together three fun new videos called “MommaSaid’s Hall of Shame.” They’ll make you feel better about what’s going on in your house, and they just might make your coffee come out of your nose. 

The first one goes up today and the other two will launch later this week. Of course, if you subscribe to my YouTube channel, you can watch them all now because dammit, I’m not touching my computer this week.

Really.

For Part 2, click here.

For Part 3, click here.

I wrote this last year for GoodHousekeeping.com, where I had a blog for two years. I still get e-mails from Fabien, and my brother and I still haven’t visited Flûte. But we dream, mes amis. We dream.

When I get e-mails from Fabien, it feels like I’m hearing from an alternate world where the Champagne flows, knowledge of the French language is helpful and the people seem to be unaware that there’s a big recession going on. Oh, how I want to go there. (more…)

Okay, so I’m a little ahead of myself, and the season. But after the winter we had around here, we could all use a little spring.

1. The dust-bunnies start hop-hop-hopping across your living room. 
2. The tips of your kids’ bikes sprout through the snow.
3. Your vacuum sucks up the last of the 137-piece toy Grandma gave the kids for Christmas.
4. Your snowman is now a big snowball with eyes and the scarf you’ve been looking for since Valentine’s Day.
5. The days are longer. (They just seemed longer during the winter).
6. The sun rises earlier. And so does your son. And daughter.
7. Your kids bring home a spring school project — lions made from yarn and lambs made from cotton balls — which immediately join the dust bunnies in the living room.
8. You finally get the snowsuits on the triplets.
9. Your toddler, who just got over her fear of the Santa Claus at the mall, is traumatized by the sight of a giant rabbit in a floral vest waving to her outside Sears.
10. For the first time since November, “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” DVD is available at the video store.
11. The baby finally learns to crawl – right through your freshly planted flowerbeds.
12. The sun streams through the window, melting the Ho-Ho someone left on the recliner.
13. Mud coats the rock salt in your mini-van’s door runners, allowing them open more smoothly.
14. It’s time to sign the kids up for summer camp and fall sports.
15. Spring Fever replaces the low-grade fever your pre-schooler had pretty much all winter.

Portions of this list originally appeared in Parenting magazine.

Check it out: Jen Singer’s Are You Ready for Toddlerhood? is in the March issue of American Baby magazine.

I love the smell of soccer field in the morning.

Magazine editors always want me to end sweet. That’s why the original ending for yesterday’s “What I Miss Most…”  post here on MommaBlog was “…having an entire day without kids – and not missing them terribly!”

Barf.

I guess it’s their way of atoning for letting me rake motherhood across the coals. Yet every once in a while, I wonder if they’re right. (more…)

by Jen Singer

For the newish moms out there:

What I miss most is…
…using my tweezers on my eyebrows, instead of using them to retrieve Barbie’s shoes from the heating grate.

…dreaming long enough to find out whether George Clooney wears boxers or briefs.

…having an entire conversation that has nothing to do with poop. Aw, geez! There it is again.

…accessorizing with jewelry and scarves, rather than marker and what appears to be butternut squash & corn.

…dashing out with my car keys and some Chapstick, instead of packing up like the traveling circus just to go to the mall.

…showering without someone opening the door and handing me the phone while saying, “Some lady wants to talk to you.”

…to read a book anywhere but my car, because the baby naps only in her car seat.

…reaching the bottom of the laundry pile. For days.

…my purse, which I haven’t seen since I bought the diaper bag.

…non-animated television programs.

…sauntering through parking lots, supermarkets and Target without having to shout, “Stay by Mommy!”

…sex.

…uninterrupted telephone conversations. And, did I say sex?

Share, share, that’s fair: Tell us–What do you miss, Mom?

Need more giggles like that? There’s plenty of them in Jen Singer’s Stop Second-Guessing Yourself parenting series. Filled with helpful and funny quotes by MommaSaid.net’s fans and loads of advice and humor by MommaSaid’s founder, Jen Singer, you’ll get what you need — just as soon as you can hide in the bathroom long enough to read a few pages.

For more information on where to buy them, visit My Books.